Comments on: Probability and the Evil Tweep of No Sleep

By: Mark

Mark — Sat, 23 May 2009 23:15:45 +0000

You are not alone in your theory that these batteries must expire at an unGodly hour, and deprive us of that oft missed full nights sleep. We, also having been in our home now for just a little over five years, have had to change each and every one of those little nine volt batteries from hell. And, like you, I have ask the rhetorical question: “why in the world do we even need a battery, when these things are hard wired?” And, also like you, it has always, and I mean, always been in the hours of 2:00AM – 3:00AM. Then it is game on: get out the ladder, 9 volt battery, waking Carol, as I can not climb a ladder, and then passing instructions up to a less than fully awake, or inspired significant other. For me, once I am awake, that’s it, I’m up. Sleep deprivation, again. It does make you think these things are pure evil, do to there uncanny ability to chirp at o-dark-thirty. With the first chirp, bringing you fully awake in an instant, because you know that is the smoke alarm!!!! Once you realize that there is no fire, you then cuss these little round radiated saucers from hell, and begin the process of fixing them, as you can not ignore them until morning. Nope, you have to fix them, and fix them now, Chirp…chirp…chirp… I am glad you survived the high wire act, changing that one, the one that was higher than any other one in your house. Hey, look at the bright side, you now qualify for the circus high wire act. Glad your safely back on the ground, and as always, I love your sense of humor.

By: Carol

Carol — Sat, 23 May 2009 18:48:20 +0000

Congratulations. You beat the devil back into the shadows, but still he lurks…he lurks.

We attained the unique pleasure of consecutive tweepings (two in one night,) but never simultaneous alarms.

As an interesting corollary to your probability theory of tweep-disturbed sleep, is the automatic faucet fake-out. The batteries in the unit will die only after you soaped up in the bathroom with the “good” towels. I thought modern conveniences were supposed to be convenient. I may have been misinformed.

Nap well.

By: Dad

Dad — Fri, 22 May 2009 18:07:49 +0000

Unfortunately, being in Arizona we do not observe that strange Daylight Savings Time ritual, although I assure you I’ve set reminders in my calendar here to replace the batteries in the future well before their nocturnal call.

Stan’s observations about the chemical nature of the battery makes sense. In fact, just as I was setting the ladder up the detector stopped tweeping at me. I had initially interpreted this as it fearing I was about to tear it mercilessly from the wall, but now (more reasonably) understand that it probably was just warming up. The world will doubtlessly seem more rational after a nap.

Meanwhile, my success rules out any posthumous YouTube fame. Sadist junkies will have to get their day’s fix elsewhere, I’m afraid.

Thanks for everyone’s advice and concern, both here and via email!

By: Stanley

Stanley — Fri, 22 May 2009 17:15:13 +0000

Back away from the ladder.

Slingshot. D-cell battery. Dead aim. End of problem.

Lower temperatures cause chemical reactions to happen at a slower rate, which may explain why my frigid ex-wife and I never had much chemistry…but it also answers your question as to why batteries die at the coldest point of the night. When weakened by age, then chilled, the battery cannot conduct enough current to do its job. Thus your batteries are more likely to resist function and lose touch with current events when they are at their coldest point of the day…which is night by most standards.

3am?…Would that be somewhere around the middle of night, when the sun is on the other side of the planet?

Don’t look down, unless you do fall. The for goodness sakes, enjoy the ride!

By: Old Mom

Old Mom — Fri, 22 May 2009 16:52:26 +0000

Your story negates my previous belief that you are in tune with your culture. Do you not watch your 64″ 1080 HD TV? Perhaps you TIVO everything and skip through the commercials… Shame on you. If you spent less time obsessed with your computer, and more time staring at the TV, you would know that the building codes are written by stockholders of Duracell batteries. Every year when you spring forward for daylight savings time, you’re supposed to change every battery in every smoke detector in your house! If you do not, you can fully expect to be wakened by the home equivalent of a WWII bomb siren. Being a couch potato has its rewards! TV commercials are second only to sitcoms as the foundation of American culture. (If you do topple off the ladder, will it be on YouTube?? Just asking….)