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Cilantro Chimichanga Smoothie Detox Lunch Special

Okay, so maybe a bit off math topic, but sometimes you have to just share the word. Recently, having digested Hyman’s UltraMind Solution, readers with similar literary tastes will understand being scared witless with regard to silver amalgam fillings, tuna fish and mercilessly mercury-laden air. Scared, mind you, not just for me and my mouth (which doubtlessly financed my childhood dentist’s second and third homes), but also because said mercury exposure could lead to cancer, heart disease, MS, ALS, ADD, poor spelling, and (in less severe cases) back-talking among my young brood. Symptoms are already on the rise here and it’s a Dad’s duty to be proactive, which involves testing any prospective remedies.

Fortunately, one of Dr. Hyman’s prescribed detox therapies involves garden-variety vegetables, especially cilantro, as a chelating agent designed to mop up said mercury poisoning in the bloodstream. So, in the interest of good neurological health, I offer Dad’s take on Dr. Hyman’s heavy metal chelation lunch plate:

Combine in a 1HP blender:

– One bunch cilantro (that’s fresh coriander for you East Coast readers)
– Three tomatoes
– Half cup raw broccoli
– One habenaro chili pepper
– 1 teaspoon tumeric
– 1 teaspoon black pepper
– One cup ice

Blend on high speed until liquefied. Pour into glass. Drink. Suppress gag reflex. Twice. While blinking spastically, pour remaining contents of glass and blender container into garbage disposal and rinse. Thoroughly. No seriously, you need to rinse it again.

To mask resulting halitosis, body odor and the obviously mercury-induced lack of culinary common sense, retrieve from freezer one frozen chimichanga and microwave according to directions. Consume with salsa of your choice. Follow up with Altoids as required until your spouse can approach without holding his/her nose and making pained expressions.

Your results may vary.

3 Comments »

  1. My name is Phyllis Lee I have a son that will be promoted to the 5th grade. I have used Dadsworksheets .com
    for the past 2 years to help my son prepare for the Florida
    FCAT test I have found this to be a very help web site
    please continue to share this site with parents such as my self who can’t aford to purchase educational materials
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    Comment by Phyllis Lee — May 12, 2009 @ 9:26 am

  2. Thanks for your encouragement, Phyllis! Things have been a little slow here the last few weeks, but I’m working on more worksheets (including more advanced topics), so I hope the site continues to be a valuable resource for you and your son. Thanks so much for sharing it with your friends and passing the word along!

    Comment by Dad — May 12, 2009 @ 10:06 am

  3. Man, I would have paid money to see you drink that stuff. Actually, this story relates very well to equations. The purported health benefit of a medically-sponsored regimen is directly proportional to foul taste and lingering burn of the cure. Should you ever be induced to partake of cilantro and chili pepper again, sit down and have a nice, cold beer. Seriously, the alcohol of the beer removes the burning oils from your mouth, plus beer has other medicinal properties. Or, if you prefer, you can skip the nasty, good-for-you stuff and go straight for the chimi and a cold one.

    Comment by Carol — May 22, 2009 @ 9:36 pm

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