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Cilantro Chimichanga Smoothie Detox Lunch Special


Okay, so maybe a bit off math topic, but sometimes you have to just share the word. Recently, having digested Hyman’s UltraMind Solution, readers with similar literary tastes will understand being scared witless with regard to silver amalgam fillings, tuna fish and mercilessly mercury-laden air. Scared, mind you, not just for me and my mouth (which doubtlessly financed my childhood dentist’s second and third homes), but also because said mercury exposure could lead to cancer, heart disease, MS, ALS, ADD, poor spelling, and (in less severe cases) back-talking among my young brood. Symptoms are already on the rise here and it’s a Dad’s duty to be proactive, which involves testing any prospective remedies. Fortunately, one of Dr. Hyman’s prescribed detox therapies involves garden-variety vegetables, especially cilantro, as a chelating agent designed to mop up said mercury poisoning in the bloodstream. So, in the interest of good neurological health, I offer Dad’s take on Dr. Hyman’s heavy metal chelation lunch plate: Combine in a 1HP blender: - One bunch cilantro (that's fresh coriander for you East Coast readers) - Three tomatoes - Half cup raw broccoli - One habenaro chili pepper - 1 teaspoon tumeric - 1 teaspoon black pepper - One cup ice Blend on high speed until liquefied. Pour into glass. Drink. Suppress gag reflex. Twice. While blinking spastically, pour remaining contents of glass and blender container into garbage disposal and rinse. Thoroughly. No seriously, you need to rinse it again. To mask resulting halitosis, body odor and the obviously mercury-induced lack of culinary common sense, retrieve from freezer one frozen chimichanga and microwave according to directions. Consume with salsa of your choice. Follow up with Altoids as required until your spouse can approach without holding his/her nose and making pained expressions. Your results may vary.